The Twilight review *SPOILERS*

I actually read this, what, a couple of weeks ago? Something like that. Anyway, I feel that Twilight is like a Twinkie (I’m totally stealing this metaphor from cleolinda, by the way). If you actually want something that’s going to fill you up, you eat real food. But sometimes, even though you know that Twinkies are sugary and full of preservatives and don’t have a natural ingredient in them, you want a Twinkie.

I have a few major problems with this story and a few things I thought were okay. Major problem no. 1: The first 150-200 pages. They were repetitive and annoying and full of teenage ANGST. I mean, I knew Bella and Edward were going to get together from the beginning and I wanted them to just get it over with already. However, once we actually reach something approaching a plot, the book becomes a lot more decent. I actually think it has something interesting to add to the vampire genre. Except for one thing (Major problem no. 2): The sparkles. No, seriously. We’ve just spent all this time with Edward angsting all over the place that Bella doesn’t take seriously enough that he’s DANGEROUS, I tell you, DANGEROUS. Trouble. Angst. Angst. So what does he do? He takes her out to a meadow and walks out in the sunlight and SPARKLES. I almost fell off my chair laughing. Maybe it’s just me, but a sparkling vampire (sparklepire to borrow from cleolinda again) does not seem all that threatening. Kind of the reverse.

I do also have some philosophical issues with the whole stalker thing and how obsessed Bella is with Edward after so little substance. But I’m sure it’s been said before, so I’ll leave that alone.

I’ll probably read the rest of the books because…Twinkies are addictive. (Cheese puffs also work for this analogy—I will eat far too many of them.)

There were also some individual lines that I want to point out the ridiculousness of. Sorry, major Twilight fans.

No one was going to bite me. p. 14 I suppose this was supposed to be funny and somewhat eerie, but I just found it annoying. Seriously.

Once I got around the cafeteria, building three was easy to spot A large black “3” was painted on a white square on the east corner. p. 15 I don’t even know what to say about this one.

Today I was worse than usual because my head was so filled with Edward. p. 75 Sigh. Yes, we know.

I shivered and rose quickly from my place of concealment p. 139 Okay, I know Bella is a big classic book fan, but “place of concealment”???? If her whole voice was like this, it would be one thing, but it’s not.

The rocking movement of his walk. I snorkled over this one. Really?

I wondered if it should bother me that he was following me; instead I felt a strange surge of pleasure. p. 174 YES. It SHOULD bother you.

I’d given more information than necessary in my unwilling honesty, and I worried that it would provoke the strange anger that flared whenever I slipped and revealed too clearly how obsessed I was. p. 230 Well, at least she admits it. That’s the one thing where I do feel a little okay about the whole obsessed thing. I mean, it’s strange, but Bella does make a conscious choice to be obsessed. I don’t understand it, but I can sort of accept that choice.