Further ruminations, on a different subject

This has been a very lit-y blog for the past two weeks. I suppose in a way that’s because I don’t have anything else to say. I know that sounds odd because, after all, there are such interesting and wonderful and dreadful things going on in the world. I could be talking about those, couldn’t I?

Well, yes. I could. But this blog was never meant to be political. It has, on occasion, become so. Those few occasions (are there even more than one?) come less out of a sense of political obligation than out of a sense of who I am. That sounds terribly narcissistic, but it’s true.

I don’t want to imply that I am apolitical. Not at all. I care very deeply about a great many political issues. But my politics are such that almost no one ever agrees with me fully. And because this is a public blog and anyone can read it I do not feel comfortable sharing some of the more controversial parts of my politics. Perhaps this is cowardice on my part, but so far I cannot take that next step.

I have a few other reasons for not talking about current events, but they are entirely personal and so I won’t share them.

Back to my lack of verbosity. I truly admire people like the Deputy Headmistress over at the Common Room, people who are able to write a great deal, fluently, on almost every possible subject. But I am not one of them. Writing is a hard process for me and a long one. When I first started blogging (over a year ago now) I felt guilty about that. I felt like I ought to be able to write a post every day and have it be great. I felt guilty that (as far as I could tell) only a few people ever read my blog; if that was true it must be uninteresting, which would mean I’m a terrible blogger.

It’s taken me a year to start (with little tiny baby steps) to break out of that pattern of thinking. I am not the Deputy Headmistress (we knew this already, didn’t we?). I am not any of the talented and prolific bloggers out there. I can’t think up snappy titles to save my life. Many of my thoughts remain entirely private. On some level that’s not a good thing and I should work at it. On another level, that’s who I am. Some days I can’t think of anything to blog about. And that’s all right too.

I’m beginning to have some more ideas about what to write about. We will see how many of them actually come to pass. Hopefully some of them will, but I can’t guarantee it.

To those out there who have put up with my fits and starts, thank you. Sometimes I have thought about stopping completely, but then I think of the few I know who do read this occasionally and I’ve decided that as long as I know even one person reads this even occasionally I’ll keep going.