I haven't posted very much lately. Somehow I've been feeling dry, thoughtless--not in the usual sense of the word but in the literal one, without thoughts. I read what others say so well and think, "Yes! Me too!" But sometimes it seems like that's all I have to add.

It's been hot the last few days, which hasn't helped. And I've had some hard news--two deaths in the extended church family--and some difficult news--the job I thought I had may not be mine after all (Elizabeth, it sounds like we had somewhat similar experiences).

So, I'm reflecting. On the one hand, I feel duty bound to write something. On the other...how to write when you have nothing to say?

Of happiness and joy

Rebecca wrote about Pursuing happyness the other day. It got me thinking about happiness versus joy. I've grown up in a church that distinguishes between the two. Happiness is an ice cream cone on a hot summer day. Joy is a spiritual emotion--not even an emotion really. A gift. One of God's graces which we never deserve but which he gives us anyway.

Happiness is transitory. It's great while it lasts, but when you're done with the ice cream cone, you're done with the ice cream cone. That's it. No more. Oh, sure, you could get another ice cream cone, but sooner or later you would run out of ice cream or cones. And you'd probably be sick to your stomach.

Joy, on the other hand, may leave you, but it is a reaching into eternity. It's quiet, reaching into the corners of your heart and filling them with something both heady and sobering. And joy comes regardless of the circumstances. I believe that it is one of the marks of a great Christian that they carry joy and peace in their heart no matter what the outward aspects of their life. I know that's challenging. Believe me, I fail every day.

Happiness is great. But you can find it anywhere. Books make me happy. Cooking makes me happy. Chocolate makes me happy. Dogs sitting on my lap (nice, small dogs, that is) make me happy.

But joy? I can only find joy with God. So I'll seek joy.

Refocusing

I've been re-reading the archives here for the past day or so, in connection with a project which will eventually be revealed. It struck me how much enthusiasm I had when I first started this blog. How much I posted.

So. I'm trying to refocus. Trying to capture some of that enthusiasm again. I don't know how much I'll be online this summer--I'm staying with friends for most of it and I have no idea what their internet situation is like--but I will try to post here as often as possible.

There's a corollary to all of this pondering. I'd like to know what you enjoy seeing here. It's my blog, etc, etc. But the best thing about blogs, in my opinion, is the sense of community they can create. If there's something I've done in the past that you've enjoyed, let me know. If there's something you've been curious about, let me know. It's a two-way street, so to speak.

Passion

I just finished watching "Amadeus"--and before you music majors (are there any of you out there?) or general music history buffs jump down my throat, yes I know it's a fictional story without much of the truth about it. It was still interesting. And it was Mozart. Mozart is my comfort music. Seriously, I'm having an awful day, I start listening to Mozart, it gets better.

But that's not what I wanted to talk about.

See, the thing I noticed about the character of Mozart in the film was how much he was committed. Sure, he was interested in a lot of frivolous, worldly things and frittered away his time and money. But he also spent hours working and working and working. He was passionate about his music.

It strikes me that I need some of that passion. Not that I need to kill myself by working too hard. But I need to care, not just exist. This applies in my spiritual life and in whatever I do as well.



[NOTE: For those of you who haven't seen/heard of "Amadeus," I'd probably approach it with caution. There are definitely some FFW scenes.]